XBOX One X Scorpio Edition Unboxing

I was so excited for this! Well, not the unboxing itself but for Scorpio to finally arrive!

Without further ado, here’s my unboxing video:

A few notes I realized after making the video:

First, the size difference. My old XBOX One was the XBOX One Elite, a big honker. Here’s some pics from the top and the front to show the size difference.

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You can see here, that the Elite is about 2/3’s the size of the limited edition Halo 5 case taller than Scorpio.

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Perhaps the most incredible difference from a hardware standpoint is that the Scorpio doesn’t have a power brick any more! Here’s a photo to show the difference in the power cables:

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In terms of gameplay, I ended up playing a lot of Destiny 2 last night, because my friends got online and it was Tuesday, i.e., new weeklys! I didn’t think D2 looked particularly great. After a gaming session had finished, I loaded up Gears of War 4 and then Assassin’s Creed Origins. While there were noticeable improvements in Gears, I wasn’t really overly impressed. Then Assassin’s Creed went in, and through the menu settings I discovered that the HDR setting could not be turned on.

Frantically, I reached for my phone. There’s no way my TV doesn’t support HDR, I panicked. The PS4 Pro works.. how can Scorpio do this to me? I was getting desperate.

In the XBOX settings, there is a screen that tells you what is compatible with your TV. I got the green check for 4K display, but red X’s and yellow warning circles for everything else. It was saying my TV did not support HDR10. WTF IS HDR10??? I was feeling flat. My fingers were googling on my phone.

Tapping links, skimming through troubleshooting articles, 20 minutes later. I find out that TVs have settings too! I have a Samsung MU series 50″ TV, and hidden deep within the General settings was the HDMI Color setting, which upon selecting, you can choose which HDMI ports output this so-called magical “HDR Color”.

I held my breath, and I clicked HDMI Port 1. Instantly, the Assassin’s Creed menu screen looked vibrant. It was up on the screen as I was fiddling with my TV settings. Bayek came to life.

I got into the game. WOW! It looked as good as Horizon Zero Dawn* on the PS4 Pro! A week earlier I had tried Assassin’s Creed on the Elite and was very turned off by the way it looked. Today, it was a different experience.

I loaded up Gears. The colours popped off the screen. It was amazing. My favourite skin is Day of the Dead Reyna, and she looked amazing in both Visual and Performance modes. Horde on Performance mode looks amazing by the way. Silky smooth, just like the ‘ol PC (YAY for Play Anywhere)**.

I loaded up Destiny again. I swear it ran better now. It made me even google if Destiny 2 on Xbox One X supported 60 frames. I could not find anybody online that would confirm this, but the colours looked better and I swear the frames got better too. Perhaps this was psychosomatic.

I felt good about everything. It was 3:30am on a Tuesday –scratch that, a Wednesday now. It was time to go to bed. Goddamn it, I wish I figured all this out before doing all my D2 weeklys.

*H0D DLC out today as well! Didn’t try it yet, and will probably put it on the backburner for a bit… ūüôā
**PC specs: I7 from 2014, 12 GB ram, Geforce 770 GTX Lightning

Tonight’s Scary Adventure

it’s thursday night, and i’m taking out the garbage like every thursday night.

like every thursday night, i leave the garage door open to get some fresh air, especially when the garbage stinks.

tonight, after i placed the garbage, green bin, and blue bin on the curb, i came back into the garage to access the house. i looked up and was greeted by a huge daddy long legs mosquito sitting all spiderman-like on the door to the house.

i carefully took my slipper off, the bug moved, and after a pause i was like lightning, insuring a quick death. i looked in the car to find a paper towel, wiped the carcass off the door, and went back out to dispose of the paper towel in the green bin.

what an adventure! i was relieved. as i started back to the garage, i realized that my scary adventure had just started.

a skunk toed the line that separated the wild outdoors to the inside of my garage. she sniffed the rails to the garage door, hung around the front, and then entered my garage. i watched her from across the street, and came around the side to ensure i could retain visual contact. she went pretty far into my garage, about half a car length. eventually she left, and went toward the neighbour’s house. this whole sequence lasted about 6 minutes by my estimation.

i quickly ran into the garage and pressed the button that closes the garage door. i waited anxiously as it slowly came down. when it was all the way down, i did a quick walkaround to be sure she hadn’t slipped in, although i was pretty confident she had gone. the coast was clear, and i entered my house.

goddamn i need a drink!

Star Wars: THE ULTIMATE THEORY

Rey and Kylo Ren are siblings? Cousins? Rey is actually Obi Wan’s grand daughter? Kylo Ren is actually a Light Side spy infiltrating the Dark Side to kill Snoke? Jar Jar Binks is actually a Sith Lord??

I’ve read¬†a lot of theories and given it a lot of thought, and I think I’ve finally got it right:

Firstly, let me remind you that¬†Star Wars is set “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….”, meaning it happens in space, right? Well, who has domain over all of space and has been there since the beginning? THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS.

Is it just a big coincidence that Kylo Ren sounds a lot like “Kyle Rayner”? Kylo Ren must be Kyle Rayner’s great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather. Maybe two more greats.

It’s no coincidence also, that Kylo Ren’s lightsabre is red, since Star Wars: The Force Awakens was released around Christmas time, and red is the Christmas opposite of the colour green.

Have you ever wondered how lightsabres work? Well, they work a lot like Green Lantern’s ring. It’s blatantly clear that this technology is connected. The more you think about it the more it makes sense.

Well how come all lightsabres aren’t green then? This definitely provides some of the foundation¬†for the prophecy foretold in the Blackest Night story¬†arc, where the war between the Green Lantern Corps and the Sinestro Corps results in multiple Corps’ that cover the whole spectrum. Wow, this is amazing.

However, this theory does make you wonder why the Green Lantern Corps didn’t police the whole Empire vs Rebellion thing, and also didn’t intervene when the First Order started making Deathstars again. Perhaps it was because they knew that Kylo Ren’s lineage (ie, Anakin Skywalker’s lineage) would result with the birth of¬†Kyle Rayner, the greatest Green Lantern ever, so they needed to let things run their¬†course. Remember,¬†Midichlorians run high in this family, and Kyle Rayner did achieve godhood as ION. Incredible!

What about Rey then? Well, is it just a¬†coincidence that Green Lantern, in his big screen debut, was played by Ryan REYnolds? Reynolds is also going to play Deadpool, so there’s just a bit of breaking the fourth wall happening. This is¬†obviously an important connection.

If you’re still in disbelief, just look at this picture: White male with black hair (GL lookin’ pretty emo here too):

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Given all this, we have to conclude¬†that Disney is trying to acquire DC so that it can have all comics under its belt. Maybe then we’ll get some decent DC movies.

Billy vs Santa

Santa Claus
North Pole, H0H 0H0
Canada

December 25, 2015

Dear Santa,

My name is Billy. I’m sure you know who i am cause you know ALL the boys and girls.

Last night, after our family Christmas dinner, I washed the most dishes I had ever washed in my life. It took me a real long time, but I finished them all and the sink was real clean. When I woke up this morning, the sink was full of dishes. My parents told me you left them there.

That is not cool, Santa. I gave¬†you milk and cookies. By my calculations, that means I should’ve seen 1 plate and 1 glass in the sink this morning. Seems like you had a FEAST after I went to sleep. Technically, I left you MILK and COOKIES. I don’t think its fair that you helped yourself to¬†all our desserts, and it seems like you used a new plate and new fork everytime you stuffed your big belly! No wonder you are so FAT!

YA I CALLED YOU FAT. BECAUSE I DON’T CARE ANY MORE. I WASHED THE DISHES FOR AN HOUR THIS MORNING!!!!! Like, WHY DID YOU NEED TO USE THE ROASTING PAN??? ¬†WHY????????? THIS IS THE WORST CHRISTMAS EVER, AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next year, don’t bother coming to my house. That bike you gave me? Thanks. (I’m being sarcastic IF YOU COULDN’T TELL) YOU KNOW ITS WINTER RITE???? I asked for a PS4 and you gave me something I can’t even use. When summer comes i’m not gonna ride this bike. I’m gonna tell my dad to give it away.

I HATE YOU YOUR A FAT STUPID LOSER IF I SEE YOU AT THE MALL NEXT YEAR YOU BETTER LOOK AWAY.

Sincerely,

Billy

this is a real converation.

A co-worker, who is a graphic designer, made this remark:

Well I really arted the shit out of this art.

I noted that if an “f” was added to this statement, it became funny on a-whole-nother level, which led to very existential thoughts..

If you really could fart the shit out of a fart, would it still be a fart? Would it simply be hot air?

The Pass

March 11, 2015, 6:30pm

Thomas and Martha Jefferson made their way to Time Warner Cable Arena. They hailed from South Carolina, visiting their son who worked at Bank of America.

“I can’t believe Dylan got us these tickets,” Thomas boasted proudly. “My son, a big time banker, getting his folks courtside seats to the Hornets!”

Martha looked with adornment at her husband, who was charged with excitement and pride for their son. The energy was infectious and Dylan gave them good reason to be proud parents. Although Martha was not a big basketball fan, she was knew that Thomas would enjoy the evening and was simply happy to have a night out, courtesy of their go-getter son. They arrived in their seats at 6:48pm, with just enough time to settle in before the National Anthem.

After the Anthem, the seatholders started to trickle in. In front of Thomas and Martha, a heavier set man named Joe Simpson sat with a beer in hand. The players were on the court; tip-off was about to begin.

The game started. Thomas, being an avid basketball fan his whole life, had never sat so close to the action. Joe was an expert heckler whose behaviour encouraged Thomas to experiment with a few heckles himself. Martha laughed every time at her husband’s attempts in¬†mischief.

In the middle of the second quarter, the two empty seats beside Joe were filled by Melanie and Dakota White. They were a local mother and daughter who were not very big NBA fans, but had scored free tickets. They were clearly not too interested in the game, which annoyed Thomas, since they had slightly better seats than his. He passive-aggressively grumbled expressions of his displeasure here and there, and Martha grew embarrassed and tried quietly to shush him. Martha reminded Thomas that he shouldn’t let this ruin his night, as Dylan worked so hard to earn their tickets.

“Lookit this, Mom.” Dakota would say every few minutes, thrusting her smartphone into her mother’s face. It was always a picture of some guy, some sort of food, or some cat.

The second half began. Dakota started judging and swiping Tinder profiles with her mom.

Midway through the third quarter, the game was close. Kings’ player Lance Stephenson had dribbled himself into a Hornets double team, and attempted a pass to his team mate. The ball went straight toward the Hornets’ Gerald Henderson.

Even as a seasoned NBA veteran, Henderson had to fight his natural instincts to reach out to the ball. It came from Lance, he thought. Better let it go. He was already in mid-air but retreated his hands to avoid Stephenson’s errant pass.

“..PASS” as Dakota swiped left.

“He wasn’t so –” Melanie was rudely cut off.

Joe tried to help with his off-hand. He was holding his Blackberry.

Martha feared for her life and moved away.

Thomas put his hands out half-heartedly, but snickered inside.

Melanie’s hair exploded as her head snapped back and¬†her glasses obeyed gravity, landing in her lap.

Dakota swiped right.

Despite the Kings turnover, one could say that¬†Stephenson’s pass was on the nose.

You know that song…

..by Afroman, Because I Got High?

one could argue that the birth of guwak.com could be a verse in this song.. for example:

i was gonna renew whatisthemeaningoffile.com
but then i got high
it would have only taken 3 clicks
but then i got high
then we lost all our stories, and i know why
’cause i got high, ’cause i got high, ’cause i got HIIIIIGGGGHHHH!!!!

for reference:

dedicated to plow, a.k.a, carmichaelis